Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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