dude i'm inner monologue high
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Randomize
