you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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