I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
