im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
