I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
