i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
