Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
