I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
