this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
