I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
