Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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