I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
