i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
