I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
