i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
