Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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