So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
