I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
