I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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