Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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