you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
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