you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
