lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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