she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
