We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
