ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
