next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Randomize
