How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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