There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
