6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
This toilet bowl is my home.
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