dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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