Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
