He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
