He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize