ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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