She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
