I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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