Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize