I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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