who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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