I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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