Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Boobs speak an international language.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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