He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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