I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My ass is underappreciated
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
