New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
