Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
