rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
