I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
