I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
