I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Come on in and take your pants off
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