this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
