i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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