YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
