I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
