I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
