maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize