so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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