Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
