I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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