I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
