Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize