Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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