i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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