my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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