You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
