I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
