Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
