filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize