so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
