We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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