guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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