My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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