My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
