I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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