drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize