Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
