So drunk its hurt
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
3pm strippers are depressing
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
