i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
