Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
