I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
