I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
