So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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