don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Floor bacon is actually really good
I don't want my vagina anymore.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
