dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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