i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
