If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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