But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
