don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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