Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
