We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
