tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
