I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
