I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
