She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
