It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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