the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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