i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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