Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
