Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize