It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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